Sep 192013
 

Somewhere along the way, Happy Apathy turned itself into a social justice and feminism site, possibly while I wasn’t looking. That’s great and important and all, but it kind of got away from the original intent of the site, which was for me to have a place to point at gaming news sites and say “Can you believe this? Just look at this fucking idiot.” I know exactly how it happened, too: 2012 was a completely abysmal year for people on the Internet being dicks to women for God-only-knows what reason. Kicking off with the Fighting Game Community’s sexual harassment issues, to Anita Sarkeesian getting about a million times more shit than she deserved for daring to maybe consider forming an opinion about video games, and finishing out the year strong with #1reasonwhy, and all the attendant backlash that goes along with women voicing concerns in a male dominated space. 2013 hasn’t been any better, what with creepy arguments about the new Lara Croft, to renewed interest in hating Anita Sarkeesian now that her videos have started to be released, followed by Allistair Pinsof outing a trans woman after she tried to kill herself on a livestream, and then Mike Krahoulik from Penny Arcade saying some unfortunate, hurtful, and surprisingly completely unrelated things about trans people in general. Now just recently, Mike has said that removing the dickwolves merchandise from the PA store was a mistake, which is just silly, since obviously, the mistake was making shirts glorifying an already pretty weak joke about rape in the first place. I didn’t write about those, though, because I haven’t read Penny Arcade since about 2005, and to be honest, wouldn’t have even known they were still around if PAX and Child’s Play weren’t a thing.

I’ve decided to get back to my roots, so to speak, with a quick, incisive strike on the writer of a shitty, no-content click-baiting waste of an article entitled “PS4 is winning console war in 2018, say analysts.”

First of all, just let me be the first to say “Welcome to the past, Future Man! I hope our lack of flying cars and our incredibly primitive reliance on microwaveable pocketed snacks don’t offend your refined and elegant future sensibilities.” and then to suggest that if you’re not actually from the future, that you made a typo in the title of your article, and that perhaps present tense wasn’t what you were actually going for.

Their latest prediction, as seen via Jack Tretton’s recent Fox Business interview, says that PS4 will command 55 percent of next-gen console sales by 2018. Microsoft’s Xbox One lags behind considerably, with only 30 percent of next-gen mindshare by the same year. Meanwhile, Nintendo’s Wii is (expectedly) in dead last, with DFC predicting only 15 percent of next-gen console sales by 2018 going toward the sales-troubled console.

Those are some bold — yet unsubstantiated — claims from a pie chart in the linked video. I’m sure there’s some vague, hand-wavy science behind them, but until the systems actually — y’know — come out, I think its a little premature to declare a winner, based on vague impressions by the enthusiast press and the “hardcore” segment of the market. Let’s not forget a few key points: namely, that Microsoft has an almost offensively large pile of money that they’re willing to throw at publishers for exclusivity windows, The Wii sold approximately all of the consoles despite being hated by both the “core gamers” and the gaming press, and the Xbox 360 has a pretty impressive mindshare in the public at large. Its not hard to imagine a bunch of parents or people who play one or two games a year going into Gamestop or Walmart on Black Friday and asking for “that new Xbox my stupid kid wants.” Or maybe all their trucks will crash en route to stores, and no one will buy a single Xbox One until Halo 5 comes out. Who can say? It’s too early to know, is all I’m saying.

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